Seventy Seven Times

I think one of the hardest things we are called to do as human beings is forgive one another. For me, part of the reason it is so difficult is that I don't really know how to forgive someone. Forgiveness has the confusing attribute of being both an action and a feeling, which makes it rather difficult to define. We find so many stories with the theme of forgiveness, from The Count of Monte Cristo to The Color Purple to The Kite Runner, yet each of these stories addresses forgiveness in a different way.

I have thought on many occasions "Oh yes, I have forgiven this person" but then I see them or speak to them and I am faced with this heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me otherwise. At my core I believe that I am truly willing good for them, but you can love someone without forgiving them.

There's a certain reality that we need to face when confronting the issue of forgiveness, and that is our own self-awareness. As one of my faith inspirations pointed out to me today, we tend to hold others
to the same expectations that we hold ourselves. But that really is not fair to the people we interact with, especially when we reflect on our own actions and realize we have not lived up to our own expectations.

The Lord's Prayer has a beautiful way to remind us about forgiveness: "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," and this is even more beautifully illustrated in a parable Jesus shares in Matthew 18. This parable tells the story of a man with an immense debt to a king. The king hears the man's cries to relinquish him from debt, and the king does so. Then the man turns around and holds another man responsible for his debt, despite the other man's pleas to forgive the debt. The first man does not forgive him, but has him thrown in jail. The king calls the man back, furious that his mercy was not passed on, and requires that the man repay his debt because he was not merciful enough to forgive the debts of others. The parable ends by stating that God will be like the king toward any person who does not unconditionally forgive others.

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is one thing God asks us to do for one another. We are called to unconditionally forgive because we are unconditionally forgiven by Him.

"So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from the heart." ~Matthew 18:35

Pax,
Kay

Fashion Friday 2/20/15

For one of my New Year's Resolutions I gave up buying clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc. If it isn't a disposable daily use product or food item, I can't buy it. As a person who thrives on the dopamine and endorphin induced joys that come from buying clothes, I'm struggling a little bit.

In an attempt to quiet my desire to purchase things, I decided to create a wish list of 5 things I would buy right now if I could...not sure how that is going to help me, but I figured I'd see what happens!

1) A blanket scarf: I am always freezing cold and I hate it. There are many days where I wish I could have a blanket in my office but I think people would look at me like I was a little weird - not that this doesn't already happen. With a blanket scarf, you not only have a great accessory, you also have a cozy blanket you can cuddle up under when the situation allows. I particularly love this scarf from Etsy!

2) New boots: I wear my boots so often that they have begun to fall apart. I should have considered that before New Year's so I could invest in new boots to get me through the rest of the season and next fall...but hindsight is 20/20! I have a few favorite boots that I'd love to have to replace my current, dilapidated favorites. I like these gray booties and these tall tan boots, both from DSW!

3) Suit jacket: I am never one to turn down a good blazer or suit jacket, and since I have interviews coming up I am struggling to resist the urge to buy more. I am particularly loving this one from H&M!

4) Patterned pencil skirt: Also from H&M, I absolutely love pencil skirts, especially with patterns! They are a fun statement piece that look great with cardigans, blazers, blouses, boots, flats, heels - you name it, it works!

5) Skinny ponte pants: I fell in love with skinny cut ponte pants during my time working in retail. Unfortunately, the pairs I own have been worn, and worn, and worn...and now they are worn down. I particularly like skinny ponte pants because they have all the comfort of leggings, without actually being leggings - they have a button, zipper, belt loops, and sometimes they even have pockets! My currently desired pair can be found at Kohl's!

It's Lent!

Looking back at my recent posts, I realized I have been pretty much MIA for the past ten or so days, sincerest apologies...I have been traveling, trying to balance tasks, and figuring out what commitments in my life need to take a backseat so I can make other things (like my blog) higher on my priority list. Enough of my excuses though!

Some books I'll be reading during my Lenten reflection time!

Lent is here! It seems like just yesterday I was experiencing Advent for the first time, but now we've arrived at a beautiful season of sacrifice, prayer, and almsgiving - not to mention this is the ultimate countdown for someone in RCIA!

Typically the common conversation among Catholics at this time of year contains statements like "What are you giving up for Lent?" or "Gosh I wish I could have coffee" (coffee = whatever other item a person has given up as their sacrifice for the season). We are all so nosy. We want to know what everyone else is giving up and share what we are giving up.

The message in the daily readings, homily, and Lenten Reflection book at my university (compiled and edited by J) all explained an important concept that is all too easily forgotten at this time of year. Our sacrifice during Lent is between us and God. We should not be walking around wearing our

The Lenten Reflection book J edited!

sacrifice like a badge of honor. The purpose of making a sacrifice during Lent is to reconcile ourselves with God in light of our sins and show him that we still love and follow him.

Any sacrifice should be done with love, as a personal connection between you and God. There are only two beings in the entire world who know your faults deeply enough to understand the meaning of your sacrifice, you and God. Keep your sacrifice a precious secret between you and God and it will make the sacrifice all the more meaningful to you - plus it will create a lot of accountability for you to follow through!

My countdown!

Completely unrelated...I have recently begun to use a countdown app on my phone in order to keep track of how many days left until I receive the sacraments of confirmation and communion. In just about 53 days I will officially be a member of the Catholic Church! Typically RCIA participants will receive sacraments on Easter Sunday, but since I am going through the school for my classes and we are closed for the Easter holiday, I will be waiting until the following Sunday!

"All acts between man and God are necessarily dependent upon a relationship of love. Therefore, the reality of fasting is an act of love" ~Dean Eric Bolek, Mount St. Mary's Lenten Reflection Book

"When you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father, who is hidden." ~Matthew 6:17-18b

Pax,
Kay

It's A Promise

I truly believe that in today's world, romantic relationships are the biggest social challenge we face. Relationships are scary, uncomfortable, and uncertain. You can never read the mind of the other person to determine what he/she is thinking about you, about your status, about the future, which makes you self-conscious, anxious, and a whole host of other unproductive emotions.

That being said, one of the most important things you can do when considering, beginning, or continuing a relationship is you and your relationship with God. A great theme that is splattered all over the Internet in the form of various quotes is the notion that falling in love with God will help guide you to the love you are meant to find on Earth. We are all naturally meant to seek someone else. As humans we are just one half of a whole that can only be truly completed when we find the love that God intended for us.

We will never be able to find that earthly love if we do not have that heavenly love with God first. One of my favorite quotes is "Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say 'that's her'." We should not only have this expectation of our significant other, but also for ourselves. We must hold ourselves to the same standard as the person we are seeking. When we do this, we will be better prepared to enter into that relationship.

Last week in RCIA, we discussed the sacrament of matrimony, which inspired the thoughts behind this post. We date people with the intention of eventually committing to marrying one of them.

Marriage is about making a lifelong promise to someone. But this promise is not just to the person we are marrying. It is also a promise to God. Marriage is a lifelong promise between three entities: you, your spouse, and God. When you get married, you are giving your word to God.

I recognize that I am not married and I have no experience from which to speak on this matter. But what I do have is hope. And desire. And trust. I know that by establishing my relationship with God, I will have a foundation for a beautiful marriage grounded in a promise between me, my future spouse, and God.

The most important part of this whole equation is that I need to focus on myself and my relationship with God first. I am moving through life, focusing on God, and when he tells me to look up and meet someone, I will. But for now, do not panic or worry or stress about being alone or finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Just be you and love God and trust that one day God will provide you with what you are seeking.

"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise."  ~Hebrews 10:23

Pax,
Kay

Five Days of Faith

I have seriously had the best few days of faith experiences and I am so excited to share them with you! Each of these stories are incredibly important to me and provided me with a renewed energy in my journey!

Day 1 - Thursday: Last week I shared my struggle about staying committed to being better this year. Turns out that one of my staff members was having the same struggle and she made a simple but awesome plan for focusing on her relationship with God: daily mass. And she invited me! So I went to mass with her after my class on Thursday. There was nothing ground-breaking about this experience, but it was nice to focus on my relationship with God on a day besides Sunday.

Day 2 - Friday: One of the teachers of my RCIA class is Anne Marie, a woman with a beautiful heart and a wealth of knowledge about the faith. I really wanted to get to know Anne Marie, so earlier in the week I asked her if we could grab coffee on Friday afternoon. And we did! It was great to talk to her about Catholicism and hear about her experiences with the faith, as well as share mine!

Day 3 - Saturday: I learned how to make rosary bracelets! J taught me how so I made a couple. I have yet to perfect the technique and I still haven't learned much about the rosary, but I'm working on it!

Day 4 - Sunday: RCIA and mass are the highlight of my week. I love the times I get to learn about the faith and then see it come to life at mass. This week's lesson was on holy orders and matrimony (Wednesday's post will be all about relationships thanks to the matrimony discussion) and I walked out of RCIA on a cloud just thinking about the promises I have to look forward to!

Day 5 - Monday: I am notorious for hating Mondays. But today was a different story. I had the opportunity to talk to our campus chaplain about RCIA and how my faith development was progressing. We were only scheduled for about 20 minutes of chatting, but we talked for at least 40 minutes! It is so powerful to share your experiences, hear about the experiences of others, and be challenged to grow in your faith!

"Ever since the creation of the world, his eternal power and divine nature, invisible though they are, have been understood and seen through the things he has made.” ~Romans 1:20

Pax,

Kay